It's important to check in on each other and it’s also important to ask for help especially at this difficult time!
Shana Begum, Saints Community Development Foundation’s Ambassador in prevention of Domestic Violence says:
“I am pleased to know that Saints Community Development Foundation is taking Domestic Violence seriously, and doing all they can to support St. Helens. Since the lockdown even the best of relationships are under a lot of pressure. We all need to make a conscious effort to think about how our actions effect others, the choices we make. The consequences that are attached to every action. Things can escalate very quickly when we are trapped indoors, an argument can easily turn into pain and regret. I urge everyone to look out for your neighbours, colleagues, family, friends & children. Its important to check in on each other, and it’s also important to ask for help.”
If you hear or witness abuse and believe someone is wrong call 999. If you would like to log concerns please report it via 101- either by phone or online. Feel confident enough to do so, domestic abuse is everyone’s business, it might be nothing, however it might be someone’s life you save.
Connect with friends and family. If you suspect domestic abuse is an issue for someone – ask the question, however make sure it’s safe to do so. We never know what is happening behind closed doors, reaching out and letting someone know they have a friend could empower the person to seek help.
Domestic abuse specialists ; Safe2speak, have a section on their website for friends and family who could be concerned about someone experiencing domestic abuse. It also has a section for those who are a victim of domestic abuse. You can leave the website immediately and there will be no trace in web browser.
Remember love should never hurt. If you’re suffering that’s an indication something needs to change, please ask for help. There is no shame in asking for help.
National support and guidance can be found via Women’s Aid and Respect Website.
COVID-19 will not stop police from entering the house. It is business as usual. All Domestic Services are running as normal and Lockdown rules do not apply to DA victims, they can leave and access help they need.
Sometimes we might be hurting others and don’t know here is what domestic abuse is:
How do I know if I am abusing my partner?
If you’re hitting, punching, kicking, pushing, using a weapon against your partner, putting your hands around their throat, strangling, choking or causing them any other kind of physical harm, you’re being physically abusive.
Psychology and emotional abuse
Calling your partner names, texting or emailing them abusive messages, putting them down, shouting or swearing, damaging things, throwing things, controlling who they see, accusing them of things or demanding that they change their clothes or looks is psychologically or emotionally abusive.
Gaslighting is another form of psychological abuse where you’ll discredit your partner’s memory, perception and sanity through lies, denial, contradiction, false information and manipulation.
Manipulating and controlling your partner – either through intimidation, treats, humiliation or isolating them from their support networks – is coercive control
You’re sexually abusive if you’re pressuring someone to have sex, touching them against their will, sulking or punishing them for not wanting sex, forcing them to watch porn, degrading them or pressuring them to have unprotected sex. Sexual abuse can happen in or outside of relationships or marriage.
If you’re financially abusive you might be keeping a strict account of how your partner is spending, keeping them short of money, refusing to sign paperwork, using their credit cards without permission, building up debts or bullying them into purchases.
Post separation abuse
If you’ve separated and you’re making unwelcome contact, checking up on your ex’s movements or pressuring them to take you back, you’re abusing them. If you’re using your children as a method of controlling your parent that’s abuse.
Effects of abuse on your partner –
Stiffness, soreness, aching, throbbing, or numbness where you’ve hurt them. Headaches, cuts and other wounds, black eyes and bruising. Hair loss where it’s been pulled out, burst eardrums or broken bones. Tension, difficulty sleeping, exhaustion. Panic attacks, palpitations.
Stress. Vulnerability. Depression. Humiliation. Drained. They probably feel unloved, worthless and confused about why this is happening. They might be nervous or terrified at whether or when it will happen again. Maybe a feeling of loss or that their life is being destroyed.
Domestic abuse effects on children
Exposure to violence can harm a child’s emotional, psychological and even physical development. Children exposed to violence are more likely to have difficulty in school, abuse drugs or alcohol, act aggressively, suffer from depression or other mental health problems and engage in criminal behavior as adults.
What could happen to me if I don’t change?
- Your abuse could escalate
- Your relationship could break down
- Your family could break down
- You could lose the right to see your children
- You could be evicted from your home
- If you commit an offence, you could go to prison
- You could lose everything.
- Domestic abuse is a criminal offence.
How can I get help?
- Learn the facts about domestic abuse.
- Learn what a healthy relationship looks like.
- Learn healthier methods of managing your thoughts, emotions & actions
- Be more aware of your behaviours and triggers
- Reach out and get help now.
Be better, do better, know the signs of domestic abuse, get confidential help today.
The Respect Phoneline is a confidential helpline for domestic violence perpetrators (male, female, in heterosexual or same-sex relationships) to help stop their violence and change their abusive behaviours.
Tel: 0808 802 4040 (Monday – Friday 9am-5pm
Email: [email protected]